1) Los Angeles Dodger Andre Ethier is some kind of seamstress. What do I mean? Well, you may not be aware that Nike is now the official undershirt provider of Major League Baseball. If you haven't noticed, here's a primer (click to enlarge):
So, with all those swooshes, is there no lower-neck area left untagged by the mark of the world's largest sports company? Enter the aforementioned Ethier, who entered this piece of apparel into the annals of intentional wardrobe malfunction history:
Well done, Andre, well done. I'd like to be able to congratulate Ethier for an anti-commercialism stance, but I'm pretty certain he has an endorsement deal with baseball supplier Easton.
2) Former, or, current Creed front man Scott Stapp attempts to destroy your ears with a Marlins anthem called "Marlins Will Soar." Besides making no sense whatsoever (how about Marlins will swim?), the lyrics to this gem include the following generic stanza:
Let's play ball, it's game day
We watch strikeouts, base hits, double plays
Take the field, hear the roar of the crowd
Come on Marlins, make us proud
Come on Marlins make us proud
Actually, I'm not sure words can even do this monstrosity justice, so, for as long as you can stand it, here's the video.
If you're interested in further punishment, feel free to check out Stapp's rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, sung at a Marlins game last Saturday. Makes me sad to know that Creed got its start right here in Tallahassee, FL.
3) This past Monday, recently-crowned Masters champion Phil Mickelson blew up the Internets by getting photographed in his green jacket at an Augusta-area Krispy Kreme drive through. The picture, snapped by the store manager, quickly spread via an AOL Fanhouse blogger's Twitter account. Well done, social media.
Phil Mickelson buys his donuts just like many Americans do: three dozen at a time.
So, there you have it. Which story do you care least about this week?