The post where Dale Jr. tells you how to eat a ham sandwich

On Monday, racing fans were treated to a full day of car racing, postponed from weather delays on Sunday.  Among those restarting after rain deluged the eastern half of the United States were the NHRA in North Carolina, NASCAR in Virginia, and IndyCar in St. Petersburg, FL.

Given the unusual scenario of racing on a Monday, these events provided no shortage of drama and intrigue, capped by the incredulously-named Australian Will Power winning the second IRL race of the season.  Considering Power's win in the first race of the season two weeks ago in Sao Paolo and I'd say the man is clearly going out like a lion this month.

2010 IRL points leader Will Power was born in Toowoomba, Australia.

I swear to you I'm not making this up.

Some might ask whether Dale Earnhardt, Jr. could use some will power at this point.  His last win in NASCAR's Sprint Cup Series was almost two years and over sixty races ago.  But his performance on the track, not altogether unsurprisingly, has very little to do with the fact that Junior is not only NASCAR's most popular driver, but its' highest earning as well.  According to this week's Forbes magazine, without even winning a race last season, Earnhardt, Jr. made $30 million based on endorsements, sponsorships, and merchandise sales.

Because Earnhardt, Jr. is the most highly sought-after endorsement talent in NASCAR, I was drawn to his recent partnership with the mayonnaise company Hellmanns.

Iron Chefs, the Earnhardts are not.  But I suppose that's what

being part of a "real" meal is all about.

Specifically, what interests me is how our culture's fascination with celebrity extends into the strangest of areas and, in this case, into their kitchen.  Certainly we are constantly faced with celebrity chefs, but I think they can be excluded because their ethos is grounded in their expertise: culinary school, restaurant experience, etc.

Of course, extending the need to know what and how an athlete eats only adds new endorsement opportunities for athletes by presenting them outside of the world of sport (I'm purposefully excluding the litany of athletes who consume Gatorade, Red Bull, Powerbars, etc.).  Thanks to the pervasiveness of advertising, we can know such mundane details as what they use to shave, get over a cold, and now, the best way to eat a ham sandwich.

"Real food," apparently, doesn't include vegetables.  Unless, of course,

you count the potato salad made with an entire cup of mayo.

I understand why these advertisements exist, but I'm curious to know who, exactly, would be lured to making something because it comes from "Dale Jr.'s family."  It makes no sense to me.  But, I suppose, I have always preferred to hold the mayo.

Who Cares?!!?

The weekly "Who Cares?!!?"segment is back again to chronicle the least-cared about stories in sports.  So here we go.  As always, please vote at the bottom to tell me which story you care least about this week.

1) Teemu Selanne scored his 600th goal last Sunday, becoming just the 18th player in NHL history to do so.  Notably, he is just the 3rd player born outside of North America to reach this tremendous milestone, behind fellow European-born players Jari Kurri (601) and Jaromir Jagr (646).  The Anaheim Ducks will honor Selanne at their next home game on Monday, with Kurri flying all the way from Finland to see his fellow countryman recognized.

Selanne deserves some recognition amongst the game's greats.  Not many people realize that in his rookie season in 1992-1993, he scored a whopping 76 goals for the Winnipeg Jets.  As a result, Selanne holds the record for most goals and points scored as a rookie (76G, 56A).

2) Just announced this week, for good luck the Mexican national soccer team will bring a statue with them to South Africa.  Not just any statue, mind you, but a replica of the 21-foot tall Independence Monument, a 100-year old statue that is one Mexico's most enduring symbols.

Dedicated in 1910, the statue is the symbol of Mexican independence.

Simply referred to as "The Angel," the plaza that surrounds the statue is often the locus for soccer fans to gather after important victories for the men's national team.  State officials have said that the team will actually display the statue in a public space in South Africa so that other teams' fans can get a glimpse.

3) Stephon Marbury: "he's heating up," in China.  Thanks in part to this en fuego shooting spree, Starbury was named MVP of the Chinese Basketball All-Star game.  He scored 30 points in the game, which his side won, and enlivened fans with a series of shots and plays that revitalized what had become "quite a dull game," according to the Xinhua news agency.

As an FYI, despite his 23 points per game scoring average, Marbury's regular club, the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons, finished 10-22 and missed the CBA playoffs.

So, which sports story do you care least about this week?

Are you interested in (World) cup size upgrade?

So, what happens when you're hosting the World Cup in three months and you've yet to sell out the tickets for all of the matches?

Even worse, you're not just a few short, but more like 650,000 short.  With 2.95 million tickets available, that's 22% of tickets for the World Cup unsold - just four short years after Germany received almost 5 times as many ticket requests as seats (15 million applications :: 3.4 million seats).

Built on top of a former gold mine, will Johannesburg's Soccer City 

Stadium be a quarter empty come June?

Even (more?) worse, of the 570,000 total tickets you allocated to countries playing in the World Cup, almost 330,000 are still unsold; so, about 58% of the people you invited to your party have opted to stay at home and watch in 3-D rather than brave adverse conditions in South Africa like unfinished roads, insufficient electricity for stadiums, taxi driver protests, and elevated levels of violent crime.  Of course, if these stay-cationers really wanted to make the trip to South Africa, they could have figured something out - like, say, hire Canadian bodyguards.

No, they're not that kind of Canadian bodyguards.

Let me just reiterate that this kind of thing is completely unprecedented for a World Cup and so, the question remains, what are you to do?  The first thing?  Don't panic.  And South African government officials are holding firm.  Gauteng (the country's most populous province and home to 3 World Cup Stadiums) Premier Nomvula Mokonyane has insisted that the country is ready:

"In spite of negative reports emanating from known and unknown sources hell-bent on besmirching the image of our country.  I am confident that South Africa is ready to host the 2010 FIFA World Cup....We are a country that is intolerant of crime, a country that is prepared to make sure that this World Cup becomes a legacy.  Believe us, we have gone an extra mile compared to other countries that have hosted."

Men on horseback patrol outside the Cape Town Stadium as part of

a security test on Monday.  Comforted yet?

The second?  Get creative. According to the Wall Street Journal, while government officials are looking to up the visitor turnout to South Africa by trying to rein in backpacker groups and Christian evangelists who would be "eager to speak to large crowds of soccer fans," some local businesses are coming up with their own ideas.

One solution from a cosmetic surgery center in Cape Town: offer breast enhancement packages complete with accommodations and transportation to World Cup matches.  Surgical Bliss in Cape Town, which is known for their medical tourism, takes pride in combining plastic surgery visits with "amazing holiday opportunities" that the area offers.  According to Times of India, the World Cup package is designed to entice more female fans to tournament and, in total, costs about $9000.

Over 130,000 American fans have already bought tickets for the World Cup - second only to the host nation South Africa.  No word yet on whether the intriguing offer from Surgical Bliss will help boost - among other things - that number.

Can new stadiums propel an entire league?

Just in the past two days, developments for two more soccer-specific stadiums have progressed after zoning and city council approvals.

The Houston Dynamo are moving forward on their plans to build a stadium in downtown Houston and the San Jose Earthquakes have secured redistricting rights to build their own stadium in southern San Jose.  Both projects are estimated to be completed in 2012 and both plan to use private funding.

Houston's new 21,000 seat home would include the team's own practice facilities, a first for the Dynamo after several years of shared field space and locker rooms with the University of Houston.  Currently, the Dynamo play their home games in the University's Robertson Stadium, a 32,000 seat football stadium built in 1941.

Is the blimp necessary?

Renderings of the new Dynamo Stadium, which will be located in

downtown Houston.

Meanwhile, the 'Quakes will build a 15,000 seat stadium - with the ability to expand to 18,000 seats - as long as owner Lew Wolff can procure the $60 million needed to fund it.  He plans to use naming rights and commercial sponsors to help raise the money.

Renderings of the proposed Earthquakes stadium.

Team officials in both Houston and San Jose have

talked about implementing a "European feel" to the stadiums.  

In addition to the new stadium project currently being built in Kansas City, if the stadiums in Houston and San Jose are completed on time, then the 2012 MLS season would feature 18 (including 2011 expansion squads in Portland and Vancouver) teams and 14 soccer-specific stadiums.  These numbers include the 2011 expansion squads in Portland and Vancouver that are redeveloping former stadiums (PGE Park and BC Place).

Roughly $31 million will be used to re-design Portland's PGE Park.

Portland's PGE Park will be a soccer-specific stadium while  Vancouver's BC Place will be renovated with the goal of providing a soccer-friendly space, namely, the league's first retractable-roof stadium.

BC Place, already the recipient of Olympic funds for renovation, will

be further developed to create a better soccer environment.

The teams on the outside of the soccer-specific stadium movement?  The New England Revolution, DC United, Seattle Sounders, and the Vancouver Whitecaps (only technically).  It should be noted, in addition to discounting Vancouver from that list (especially since they have plans to eventually build a soccer-specific stadium downtown), the Seattle Sounders led the MLS in attendance last season and seem to be satisfied playing their home games in Qwest Field.  Last year, they averaged 30,000 fans per game and that number will likely increase this season, as the Sounders recently announced they were able to sell 31,500 season tickets for the 2010 season.  As an aside, tomorrow night's game in Seattle between the Sounders and the Philadelphia Union that will kick off the MLS season - and be broadcast on ESPN2 - is expected to draw upwards of 38,000 fans.

Seattle fans will be out in force tomorrow night.

So, the only teams really left out of the stadium movement are New England and DC.  And yet, that could soon change as MLS commissioner Don Garber grows more frustrated with efforts in DC that have become bogged down in politics.  Interestingly, Baltimore has stepped up to develop a plan for enticing the league's most successful club to the Charm City.

But while Baltimore is an option for United, team president Kevin Payne - responding to Garber's comments - has not ruled out a space in DC or Northern Virginia.  It's likely he fears the 40 mile distance to Baltimore would alienate the team's local, and incredibly loyal, followers.

Overall, it's a novel idea to want to play a sport in stadiums specifically built for that purpose.  Will 2012 be the true beginning of the league - a beginning, mind you, some two decades in the making?  As some have said, you have to start somewhere.

New stadium at the center of New York soccer resurgence

As you may or may not be aware, the Major League Soccer season is upon us.  After resolving a labor dispute this past weekend, the league will kick off (sorry) this Thursday when the Seattle Sounders host the  league's newest expansion team, the Philadelphia Union.

Just one year ago, the Seattle Sounders were the latest MLS expansion club, but important as it is for soccer to grab a foothold in new markets (Vancouver and Portland, OR, are due to open clubs in 2011), MLS needs its clubs in big markets to flourish.  And, for the most part, they have: DC United is a four-time MLS Cup winner, the Chicago Fire boast some of the rowdiest fans in MLS, and the two teams in Los Angeles - the Galaxy and Chivas - have established the league's most contentious rivalry.

The "Section 8" Fan Group in Chicago's Toyota Park.

Assisting most of the clubs in MLS today are "soccer-specific" stadiums, built solely for the purpose of hosting soccer games.  Generally, these stadiums are designed to create intimacy by seating just 18-25k fans and are long and wide enough to meet FIFA standards.

Could you spot half the cities on that list?  The MLS faces the 
prospect of building facilities on the outskirts of major metro areas.

Currently, the league has seven of these stadiums and several more in development.  This past weekend, the MLS' New York Red Bulls christened the league's eighth soccer-specific venue, dubbed Red Bull Arena.  Built at roughly twice the average price than the stadiums pictured above, the Red Bulls - formerly the MetroStars almost the formerly MetroFlash, if Nike had gotten their way - are hoping that the new stadium in Harrison, New Jersey, just outside Newark (the new sports destination in Jersey), will not only help the league's most futile franchise but revitalize the entire Harrison area.

The stadium design plans were overhauled when Red Bull took over the team in 2006.

As a result, they actually decreased the amount of skyboxes planned for the stadium.

Plagued by years of bad management, bad coaching, bad players, and pretty much bad everything, the Red Bull venture in Harrison has reached out to a potentially robust fan base and rejuvenated current players by opening the league's most refined stadium to date.  It debuted this past weekend when the Red Bulls hosted FC Santos, from Brazil, in a friendly match with more than a little fanfare.  In proper style, the Red Bulls won 3-1.

Some highlights below include appearances at the game by Lindsay Vonn and Reggie Bush.  Because when you think American soccer ambassadors, you naturally think Lindsay Vonn and Reggie Bush.

The question that lingers over these soccer-specific stadiums - especially as they are placed on the outskirts of major metropolitan areas (Philadelphia's new stadium will be at the center of a redevelopment project in Chester, PA, about 15 miles from Philadelphia) - is whether they can build a fan base that is willing to deal with less-than-ideal transportation situations.  Beyond that, I dare say that MLS will soon have the youngest and maybe the most attractive fleet of stadiums of any US-based league.  Can that finally push soccer into the major sports category in America?  Maybe not.  But selling out a handful of 18-25k seat facilities, it seems, would be just fine.

Cornell's run and a Big (East) Conference Breakdown

Cornell University's men's basketball team became the first Ivy League school to make it to the NCAA Sweet Sixteen since 1979 by beating the University of Wisconsin 87-69 on Sunday.  Not to say that there weren't some - including ESPN's Andy Katz and Jay Bilas - who could see this thing coming, and how.

Chris Wroblewski, #3, is majoring in above-the-head hand-clapping.

In 1979, the same year that Larry Bird's Indiana State and Magic Johnson's Michigan State University would eventually play for the title, the University of Pennsylvania reached the Final Four by beating - among others - North Carolina and Syracuse on their Cinderella journey.

Cornell faces an equally difficult task this Thursday, when the Big Red will take on the heavily-favored University of Kentucky Wildcats.  But there are plenty out there who believe the Big Red can keep on screening and stroking.  Oh, and one more thing: that the game will be staged in Syracuse, NY, just 57 miles from Cornell's Ithaca, NY campus.

ESPN loves an underdog.  To be fair, they love Duke, too.

Other fresh faces in the Sweet Sixteen this year include Northern Iowa, Butler, St. Mary's, and Xavier.  The precipitous rise of these mid-major schools have led the New York Times to wonder whether the NCAA selection committee is doing a disservice to the tournament by favoring the power conferences (Big East, Big 12, Big Ten, ACC, Pac-10, SEC).

Is the Big Ten winning?

If there's any way to slice it, clearly, the Big East was the biggest loser through the first weekend of the tournament, in more ways than one.  Just two of their eight teams survived the opening two rounds but, to add insult to injury, Darren Rovell claims that the first-round losses of Georgetown, Marquette, and Notre Dame last Thursday cost the Big East almost $4 million in revenue (earned from playing in future games) on that day alone.  Rovell's estimates do not include the three other Big East casualties from the weekend: Louisville's loss on Friday, Villanova's loss on Saturday, or Pittsburgh's loss on Sunday.

The other thing that we now know, for sure, is that Big East is not the country's best (although it is the biggest) and all the talk about the depth of the Big East can stop.  Like when Big East commissioner  John Marinatto said, after the NCAA tournament field was announced, "Receiving eight NCAA bids is a testament to the depth of our conference this season.  Since the Big East expanded to 16 institutions five years ago, we believe the overall level of play...has been consistently outstanding."  Or when Georgetown coach John Thompson III insinuated the conference's tremendous depth last month, "Across our league, the differences between the top teams and the guys who are down at the bottom is a magnification of small differences."

Right.  If only Marinatto or Thompson were talking about the entire NCAA tournament field would they be correct.  Because if there is anything that the past weekend has taught us, it's that NCAA basketball this season is in a state of ultimate parity and that there are good - and maybe even great teams - scattered throughout every conference in the country.

Who Cares?!!?

The weekly "Who Cares?!!?"segment is back again to chronicle the least-cared about stories in sports.  So here we go.  As always, please vote at the bottom to tell me which story you care least about this week.

1) Apparently, ESPN's Tony Kornheiser thinks it would be a good idea to run cyclists in DC off the road.  Responding on his radio show to news that the District may implement some new bicycle lanes, Kornheiser said the following:

"I think this is a terrible, terrible idea...and I swear to you it's all you can do to not run them down, like Wile E. Coyotes, run them over...I don't take my car and ride on the sidewalk because I understand that's not for my car.  Why do these people think that these roads were built for bicycles...They dare you to run them down...I'm not saying you kill them.  I'm saying you tap them.  Tap them once.  If you're not rubbing you're not racing, right?  So you pop them a little bit and see what happens."

Unsurprisingly, the audio has been removed from his ESPN radio website.  Thanks to the magic of the interwebs, however, you can catch it on YouTube.

Those comments, which aired on March 11th, eventually caught the ire of the world's most popular cyclist: none other than Lance Armstrong himself.  The Texan responded on Twitter yesterday to Kornheiser's comments: "Run 'em down, really?  Big mistake, Tony."

From Armstrong's Twitter account yesterday

Yet, as the Tweets suggest, the story does not end there.  As a means of discussing their oppositional viewpoints, Kornheiser will have the 7-time Tour de France champion on his show tomorrow morning to discuss the issue.

What team does he race for, again?

And just so Kornheiser knows, Armstrong knows how to deal with reporters and contentious issues with zeal.  As he did during a press conference last year when he coolly reprimanded a British reporter who referred to his 2009 comeback as a return of the "cancer."  

2) Should it be noteworthy when, just this week, the man who stole the show in a European soccer competition by scoring a game-winner - and one of his club's biggest goals ever - is an American?  Eh.  Maybe.  If you're concerned about the US men's soccer team's chances in Africa this summer, however, you should be interested to know that the supremely talented Clint Dempsey scored the winning goal for his London-based club, Fulham, last evening in a Europa League match against Juventus FC.  As a result, the Cottagers are now into the quarterfinals of the tournament.

Dempsey, with teammate Paul Konchesky, has a knack for rising to 

the occasion.  He is also supremely talented.

Dempsey, one of the US' team's most talented players and a true standout at last summer's Confederations Cup (when the US ended European champion Spain's 35-match unbeaten streak and nearly topped Brazil for the title), suffered a knee injury this past January that many feared would jeopardize his chances to play for the US this summer.  Luckily, he was able to avoid surgery and, after several months of rehabilitation, is back playing for Fulham.  

Dempsey came into the game during the second half and helped to complete a 3-goal comeback for the home side when he hit an ambitious - but perfectly weighted - shot over the helpless Juve goalkeeper with just 8 minutes left in the game.  The effort capped what London-based newspaper The Guardian called the greatest day in the history of Fulham, as the team knocked off the Italian super-club by a score of 5-4 on aggregate.

Dempsey talked about the goal and his team's effort on the field immediately afterwards.  All I know is that this is exactly the kind of talent that the US will need if they want to make noise in Africa in June.

3) Finally, this week the Vancouver Olympic Committee opened an auction site on eBay in order to sell off a bonanza of Olympic souvenirs and game-used memorabilia.  As a result of the sale, VANOC hopes to recuperate $10 million.  After just a few days of live auctions, they're well on the way.  A game-used puck from the overtime period of the men's gold medal hockey game between the US and Canada is currently listed at $8100.

Sadly, these characters are not auctioneers.

Other high-priced items include a game-worn Sidney Crosby jersey, replica tickets, and various pieces of Olympic art.  If you are more interested in a slice of team USA, there are plenty of game-used hockey jerseys being sold online through NHL Auctions.

So which sports story do you care least about this week?

The Tampa Bay Rays' Night Club?

To deal with lackadaisical attendance at home games on Friday nights, the Tampa Bay Rays are instituting a new public relations campaign that will look to turn Tropicana Field into a "baseball nightclub."

The Trop: A baseball nightclub, just subtract old people and add lasers.

I know what you're thinking: when you're at a baseball game, you already feel like you're at a nightclub. Well, here's where the Rays are one step ahead of you.  Included in the "party atmosphere" for Fridays throughout the season, the Rays' will transform the Trop into a nightclub via:

• Collectible t-shirt giveaways, with one shirt tailor-made for women that will feature the message "I Heart Longoria," as in Evan, the team's starting third baseman
• Indoor fireworks after the game
• An opportunity, after the fireworks, to walk onto the field for "an after-party with live bands and DJs"

Can any of these things possibly make fans feel like they're at any sort of night club?  Or are my notions of nightclubs too demanding?

Combine this campaign with the Rays' 2010 Summer Concert Series - which takes place after Saturday evening home games - and you have the most musical entertainment-dependent franchise in Major League Baseball.  This is good news, however, if you're a Rays fan since you will have the opportunity to see the following acts performing on the field after specified home games: Hall & Oates, Nelly, John Fogarty, ZZ Top, The GoGo's, and five other artists to be named later.

When I think 'nightclub,' I think Hall & Oates.

I kid, but the strategy seems to be working.  Last year, the Rays bolstered their Saturday night attendance average to 30,000 per game (an increase of 10k) by inviting to likes of Daughtry, Ludacris, Flo Rida, Pat Benetar, Smash Mouth, the B-52s, Big & Rich, and The Beach Boys.  This year, in addition to the Friday evening baseball nightclub and the Saturday concert series, the Rays have devised their 2010 advertising campaign around the input of local high-school drum lines.  The idea is that while the aforementioned Saturday-night concerts are geared towards older fans (the demographic that comprises a majority of Rays' attendees), these new advertisements feature a musical form the Rays believe could help them grab the interest of the until-now-uninterested-in-baseball Tampa-area teen population.

Do these kinds of programs and campaigns make sense?  Judging purely by attendance figures, for the Rays, they do (I wonder how much money is spent paying the talent for their services).  A baseball purist, however, might object to using something other than baseball to sell baseball.  The flip side to that notion, however, is that in most new stadiums - like Yankee Stadium, Citi Field, or Cowboys Stadium - there are plenty of amenities that have nothing to do with baseball, either.

New Yankee Stadium has a Hard Rock Cafe.  

Wouldn't a Don Mattingly barbecue tent have sufficed?

Speaking of those monstrous new stadiums, some suggest that the Rays' only alternative, over the long term, would be to procure a new one of their own.  In fact, there's already a coalition examining potential sites - most outside of the current St. Petersburg area.  And while the Rays have said they are not currently considering new stadium plans - a 2007 plan to build a new waterfront stadium in St. Petersburg was abandoned last December - the issue is clearly on the horizon.

FYI, the Rays' lease with the city ends in 2027 and, according to some, a new stadium would cost $500 million.  So, could a new stadium help fix attendance woes?  Or, would taxpayers be footing a very expensive risk?  Only time will tell.

At the very least the topic would make for good conversation...during an evening in the Rays' baseball nightclub.

Weekend Highlights

A quick couple of blurbs, recapitulating the weekend.

1) Turns out David Beckham - one of the darlings of this blog, it seems - won't be going to the World Cup after all.  During a game on Sunday, Goldenballs broke his achilles tendon, ruling him out for the next five to six months.  This means that the 34-year old will most likely miss the entire 2010 MLS season, for which will be paid roughly $6.5 million, as part of the 5-year, $32.5 million contract he signed in 2007.  A tough break, no pun intended, for Beckham, England, and MLS.

2) Most people are aware that Tiger Woods will soon return to competitive golf.  According to various reports, Woods has been putting in some time with swing coach Hank Haney at the Isleworth Golf Club where Woods resides.  When he actually resumes play, however, has been a hot topic recently: will it be the Masters (April 8th), or the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill (March 26th), or even the closed-to-the-public Tavistock Cup (March 22nd)?  Interestingly, the Tavistock Cup is a match-play event between Isleworth, Tiger's club, and Lake Nona, another highly-exclusive private golf club in Orlando.  As Darren Rovell notes, if Tiger does participate in the Tavistock Cup, he'll need a very particular wardrobe. Check the rules for both participants and invited guests:

That's right.  Only the colors of Isleworth Red or Lake Nona Blue constitute acceptable attire.  I hope Norway's curling team doesn't show up.

3) Apparently, Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi still don't like each other.  Over the weekend, they used a 45-minute charity match - with current pros Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer - which raised $1 million for victims of the Haiti earthquake to give us a glimpse of their relationship.

4) Finally, even though this is an old commercial - December 2009 - it is now my favorite 'This is SportsCenter' advertisement of all time.

Simple, understated, brilliant.  And normally, that would be enough.  Except that there is this tiny bit of footage - shot around the same time as the above ad - from ESPN's backyard on the sprawling Bristol campus.  Would it blow your mind to see Arnold Palmer hit a golf ball into an Arnold Palmer?

Yes, it would.

Who Cares?!!?

The weekly "Who Cares?!!?"segment is back again to chronicle the least-cared about stories in sports.  So here we go.  As always, please vote at the bottom to tell me which story you care least about this week.

1) Golfer JB Holmes gets a KFC grip.  Last week, Holmes - along with NFL receiver Jason Avant and budding tennis pro Devin Britton - announced a deal that puts the Colonel on his golf grips.  Some pictures from the KFC photo shoot below.  There's also video of the shoot here.

What space is left ad-free for these walking advertisements, I mean, golfers?

No idea how far Holmes can hit a KFC boneless filet.

If you're ready to vomit in your mouth, here's what Holmes said in the press release announcing the deal:  "I'm always looking for game-changing ways to improve my performance on the course.  That's why I'm thrilled to partner with KFC to launch the new Boneless Filet - a game-changer in its own right when it comes to eating chicken."  Really?  Really.

2) One of hockey's longest careers resumed last night as 48-year old Chris Chelios returned to the NHL to play in a game for the Atlanta Thrashers.  Chelios, who started his career with the Montreal Canadiens in 1984, has also logged time for the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings.  He is also the second-oldest NHL player ever and the oldest to ever win a Stanley Cup (in 2008 with Detroit, at age 46).

In a battle for the Eastern Conference's final playoff spot, the Thrashers recalled Chelios from their AHL affiliate on Wednesday.

Why isn't Chelios' helmet strap buttoned?  Could it have been a senior moment?

Unfortunately, the Thrashers dropped last night's game at the woeful Columbus Blue Jackets, by a 2-1 score, their fourth-straight loss, to fall six points behind the Boston Bruins for the final playoff spot.  So, how did Chelios fare in his first NHL game since the conclusion of the 2008-2009 season?

In his 10 minutes of ice time, Chelios was partially responsible for the Blue Jackets' first goal (above).  While attempting to kill a penalty, Chelios was tried to block a pass across the goal, but the puck ricocheted off his pads and past Thrashers goalie Johan Hedberg.  Not to worry, though, Chelios will have a chance to redeem himself when the Thrashers host the New York Rangers tonight.  But, with just 16 games left in the NHL regular season, Atlanta needs to make a pretty dramatic run to make the playoffs.

3) On Friday morning, Coolidge High in Washington, D.C., will make history by naming Natalie Randolph as its head football coach.  Randolph, the first female head coach in the country according to the National Federation of State High School Associations, is a former University of Virginia track athlete, a former National Women's Football Association WR, and a former assistant football coach at H.D. Woodson High in D.C.

Randolph, coaching at Woodson, is being called a pioneer.

At Woodson, head football coach Greg Fuller said that Randolph earned respect across the board.  He added, "Honestly, I don't think she'll have problems with (the players or the parents), because she knows the game and I think she proved that point."

Interestingly, this topic was discussed on ESPN's First Take this morning with NFL player Keith Bullock taking the lead on dismissing the effectiveness of a female football coach.  Rather than substantively criticize her qualifications, however, Bullock's approach was unwaveringly sexist.  Doug Stewart, a sports radio host and regular on the show, added that one thing a female coach could bring to a team would be that after a tough loss, a female coach could "bake cupcakes" to comfort her players.  I doubt this story is done, just yet.

So, which sports story do you care least about this week?

In defeat, Beckham scores one for the home crowd

Well, AC Milan were handily defeated yesterday by Manchester United by a score of 4-0, winning the tie by an aggregate score of 7-2.  Much like the first contest between the two teams, the star player rising to the occasion was not David Beckham (who did not start but came on in the second half), but fellow Englishman Wayne Rooney, who scored in the opening moments of each half to bump his season's goal-tally to 30 goals in just 35 matches.

In the first minute of the second half, Rooney poked in his second goal of the match

With a run to the Champions League final, Rooney could potentially play in 14 more games for Manchester United this season.  Scoring a goal per game would break the Man U record for goals scored in a season, 42, set by Cristiano Ronaldo two years ago.  Rooney's manager, the famed Sir Alex Ferguson believes he can do it, but has said he "would be happy if [only] he got to 40."

The protests also continued last night at Manchester's Old Trafford Stadium, with fans growing more and more irate with the Glazer family's financial handling of the club.  While a boycott of the first ten minutes of the game did not materialize, there were many visual displays and loud chanting throughout the night that typified the way Mancunians feel about the ownership situation: "Love United, Hate Glazer."

The Green and Gold were out in force.

The protesting did not end with the fans, however.  As the game concluded, Beckham, one of Manchester United's self-professed biggest fans, added his support to the anti-Glazer movement.  The last player to leave the field, Beckham took a scarf and placed it around his neck as he thanked United fans for his warm reception.

Beckham's actions speak louder than words?

It was a striking gesture from a man who has always chosen to carefully preserve his public neutrality on controversial issues.  That neutrality, it should be noted, was re-affirmed in the post-game press conference where Beckham sidestepped an opportunity to criticize the Glazers.  When pressed about the scarf, he said, "I'm a Man United fan.  I saw the scarf there.  I put it round my neck, it's the old colors of Man United, that's all I knew."  Later, he added, "To be honest, [the protest] is not my business."

All in all, as long as Manchester United continue to excel at the top level of club soccer, experts say the the Glazers probably won't be going anywhere.  Their business model is built on the idea that the continued success of the team will offset the high interest payments (which has cost the club almost $488 million since the Glazer takeover) they have on the money they borrowed to buy the club in 2005.  These payments have, thus far, been counterbalanced by ticket sales, television rights, commercial sponsorship deals, and the more than $75 million the team earns by playing in the Champions League (Man United has been in the final the past two years).

But for fans of the club, the high interest payments as well as the continual increases in season ticket prices has left them with concerns that the Glazers are running the club as their own personal ATM.  Including the millions loaned to each member of the Glazer family, as well as other fees the family has taken out totaling $34 million, there are reports that the Glazers could take out as much as $200 million from the club next year alone.

The sentiment of the fans is seemingly captured by the following news piece from Euronews.  If you're interested in the situation, the segment does a fine job of articulating the financial mess I've tried to document above.

With support from the fans and the Red Knights, a group of wealthy local Mancunians, and now - even in silence - David Beckham, can the protests expand to current players, board members, or the team manager?  Should be an interesting situation to monitor, especially when Manchester United plays American-owned Liverpool FC later this month at Old Trafford.  Longtime rivals, the two equally frustrated fan groups may actually join in protest together against their American ownership groups at a match on March 21st.

By the way, the Glazers aren't biased against frustrating fans on either side of the pond, since many of the same gripes are now emanating from fans of the Glazer-owned Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  After a 3-13 season, the team has done nothing in free agency besides letting one of their best players at their thinnest position walk away.  Furthermore, not even the guys at NFL Network can figure out what the Buccaneers are doing.  Good luck in the draft, Tampa Bay.

Beckham's Return to Manchester

Several weeks ago, I mentioned David Beckham's return to Manchester as an opposing player, but today that return will finally come to fruition as AC Milan visits Manchester United in the second game of their two-leg Champions League round-of-sixteen matchup.

The game starts at 2.45 this afternoon on Fox Soccer Channel.

Manchester United is ahead in the tie (series), after beating the Rossoneri a couple of weeks ago in Milan by a score of 3-2.  Considering the complications of the away-goals rule, this means that AC Milan will have to defeat Man U by a two goal margin (2-0, 3-1, etc.) today to advance.  The task will be difficult, as the Red Devils have lost just three games at home this season (dating back to August).  Of note, none of those losses were by more than two goals.

Further adding to the intrigue of this titanic matchup is the question of whether Beckham will start.  While it's certainly assumed he will play at some point, AC Milan coach Leonardo has not yet decided whether Beckham will be placed in the starting eleven.  To be fair, Beckham hasn't featured much for Leonardo recently.  His last start for the Rossoneri was several weeks and seven games ago, in the defeat against Manchester United.

United are dealing with their own issues.  First, their worn-down superstar Wayne Rooney - who sat out the team's win at Wolverhampton this past weekend - will apparently be able to start.  Rooney, who has 28 goals in 34 matches for his club this season, is a vital piece of the Manchester United machine and the man responsible for two of the goals in their 3-2 victory against Milan last month.

More pressing for United, however, is the growing number of supporters who have lashed out against the owners of the club, American Malcolm Glazer and family - owners of the NFL's Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Man U's colors are red and black.  The green and gold colors

refer to the team's founding colors in the 1850s - when they were known as Newton Heath.

In recent weeks, fans have started protesting because of news reports that suggest the Glazers are running the club into the ground.  Primarily, they are upset because, despite being the world's most successful club, Manchester United now has over $1.1 billion in debt.  Included in that debt were personal loans of $2.5 million given last year to each of the six Glazer children.  And now, with these protests mounting and hometown fan groups looking to buy the club, the Glazers have turned their backs on their fans by insisting the club is not for sale.

And why is it again you can't trust this man?

Which means that, as Manchester United coach Alex Ferguson calls for unity among his team's supporters today against Milan, there should still be plenty of green and gold in the stands.  And how could we blame them?  The mountain of debt aside, the Glazers have raised ticket prices by about $350 dollars (to around $1150 per season) since their 2005 takeover, so much so that a study of season ticket holders reported that up to 60 percent will not renew their tickets for the 2010-2011 season.  Stoking the ire of their fans even more, financial developments have also impacted the players on the field as well, when last summer Manchester United were forced to sell the team's best player just to break even.

There should be plenty of these scarves in Old Trafford today.

It's another disheartening ownership situation in England's top division, featuring the world's most recognized club and, another reason their fans may be longing for the days of David Beckham.